I've added "word verification" to the comment area to block spammers. My apologies.
Ten! Nine! Eigh-....Oh Shit, Is The Ball Stuck?
I am not one for New Year’s resolutions. Not because I have anything against them, they just don’t work for me. And I am not one to recap my finest moments, worst moments, most humiliating moments, wardrobe mishaps and break-ups & make-ups of the year. I do like knowing that there’s a fresh beginning around the corner – so that I can feel like I have an empty slate for the first few hours of the New Year. That is, until I realize that the biggest change is making a 5 look like a 6 on checks that I write. We’re lucky this year, that’s an easy transition. 2003 to 2004 was a big pain in the tookus. (I have no idea how to properly spell that…and neither does Bill Gates.)
What I will say is that 2005 was a great year of learning and discovery, self-awareness and growth, great friends and memorable experiences. I wish all my family and friends a wonderful New Year. Everything good to each of you in 2006!!
With that said, I leave you and 2005 with the immortal words of Barry Manilow - and my own snide remarks.Don't look so sad,
It's not so bad you know. (Join me in this traffic and see if you still agree with that!)
It's just another night,
That's all it is. (Then why am I paying $300 for a room at Motel 6?)
It's not the first,
It's not the worst you know, (That’s impossible to know until you die and can review)
We've come through all the rest,
We'll get through this.
We've made mistakes,
But we've made good friends too. (Are the mistakes and the good friends the same people?)
Remember all the nights we spent with them? (Which ones? The mistakes? Or the good friends?)
And all our plans,
Who says they can't come true? (I don’t think I’ll get another chance to buy Microsoft at $2 a share.)
Tonight's another chance to start again.
It's just another New Year's Eve,
Another night like all the rest. (Yes, I’m always out until 2am drinking my ass off.)
It's just another New Year's Eve,
Let's make it the best.
It's just another New Year's Eve,
It's just another Auld Lang Syne, (“Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?”)
But when we're through
This New Year, you'll see,
Will be just fine.
We're not alone,
we've got the world you know. (He doesn’t keep up with the news – the world hates us)
And it won't let us down,
just wait and see. (...can’t…type…laughing…too…hard…)
And we'll grow old,
but think how wise we'll grow. (my grandmother - God bless her - used to forget where she put her teeth)
There's more you know,
it's only New Year's Eve.
It's just another New Year's Eve,
Another night like all the rest.
It's just another New Year's Eve,
Let's make it the best.
It's just another New Year's Eve,
It's just another Auld Lang Syne,
But when we're through
This New Year, you'll see,
Will be just fine.
Driving Mr. Craftsman
From Dave Barry's blog....I laugh every time I read it. Man's car goes on automatic pilot in LeroyA Paw Paw man destroyed his car Wednesday after putting his toolbox in the driver's seat.
Calhoun County sheriff deputies said the accident happened when the man attempted to free his car from a muddy field by placing the toolbox on the accelerator, then getting behind the car and trying to push it free.
The man said he was lost in the Leroy Township area about 10:15 a.m. When he backed into a field to turn around on 1/2 Mile Road near J Drive South, the car became stuck in the mud, said Lt. James McDonagh.
"After several attempts to free the car, the man placed his toolbox on the vehicle accelerator, exited the vehicle and attempted to push the vehicle free," McDonagh said. "The man was successful in freeing the vehicle, although unsuccessful regaining control of the vehicle."
Deputies said the full-size Mercury sedan accelerated across a cut soybean field with the man running behind.
The car reached an estimated speed of 100 mph, traveled a half-mile, sometimes becoming airborne. The car then struck a tree.
Deputy Steve Hinkley, an accident reconstructionist, said the impact crushed the car back to the windshield and he used the damage to estimate the speed.
The man, whose name was not released by deputies, was not hurt. No tickets were issued in the incident.
This Is Your Brain
I’m amazed at how blog-lazy I got during the holidays. I thought, for sure, I’d have mountains of time to work on my web site, blog until my fingers fell off and wallow in my geekdom. Alas, that was not the case. So I feel I’m in catch up mode, though I’m not because I don’t have an editor or deadlines….which is nice.
On Tuesday evening, a bunch of us went over to McG’s. She had ACL surgery and was in full court press convalescence. Since she couldn’t go downtown for poker, I asked if she’d like us to bring the poker game to her. I thought this was a stupendous idea. Our fallback plan was movies. We valiantly tried to get a real game going. In the end (an hour later), we had an “everyone-all-in, deal-the-cards-up” hand. The person with the least amount of poker experience – let’s call her Poker Sally (because it’s my blog and I like the name) – won. Of course.
After the poker game came to a whimpering end, we started watching “D.E.B.S” – which is the equivalent of “Charlie’s Angels” – except it’s their teenage years and one of them is in the closet. It’s one of those weird cult movies that probably gets funnier each time you watch it because you notice something new. Also, Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster) is hot. And her lips are not too thin, Mae! No they’re not!
I’m sitting next to Nan, watching the movie. It was like sitting next to my brain. We would either make the same comment at the same time or she would say what I was thinking. It was a little weird…and kinda cool. She and I think way too much alike.
BTW - Poker Sally also won at my house earlier in the week. I received a plug-n-play video poker game for Christmas. I think it was Monday when I called her up and said, “hey, come over here so I can play video poker against a real person, instead of the flippin’ computer”. I’ll preface the rest of this with the fact that I had beaten the flippin’ computer several times already and was a video millionaire.
While we’re playing, the two of us and two computer players, she accidentally goes all in…”whoops, I didn’t mean to do that”….and you can’t undo it. She won the hand. WTF. Then it happened again a few hands later. When it happened a third time in heads up poker between her and me (her and I?, she and I?), I thought she might be doing it on purpose. My first instinct, however, was to fold and let her off the hook. Then the devil on my shoulder, who had gagged the angel with her own halo, was whispering “she’s bluffing” into my ear. In my head, I hear my cool, raspy poker voice (it sounds like Demi Moore) saying, “okay, I’ll dance with ya’”. I even gave her that long, dare ya’ stare of Demi’s….you know the one - “A Few Good Men” meets “G.I. Jane”. I was totally psyching her out….this was the big hand….the money hand…the one where I teach her that beginner’s luck is an urban myth in MY living room. Feel the cool, icy stare and fold, Poker Sally...fold. She asked me if I had something in my eye. Then she won the hand. My ego still hasn’t come out from under the couch. It might stay there until Spring.
On the drive in today, I heard Poison on the radio. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”. I’m listening to the lyrics and thinking to myself…”well, aren’t they just so prophetic…every rose DOES have it’s thorn”. Or maybe they’re just prophylactics.
This is your brain. This is MY brain…sitting on the couch, wearing a green turtle neck and drinking a Dos Equis.
"Ummm, yeah...we need to talk about your TPS reports"
I’m sitting in a meeting at work, fighting desperately to stay awake. I’ve been through my normal exercises to fight boredom:
1. Discreetly messing around on MySpace, trying not to get caught by the COO, 2 seats down. And then cursing the wireless internet connection in this room when it crapped out.
2. Making a list of all the things I still have to do for Christmas.
3. Trying to list, without a map or writing them down, all the states I’ve been to. I think it’s 30.
4. Fantasizing about the way I would restructure this company if I were the Queen of it.
5. Fantasizing about what I’d say if I could tell off a few people that I want to tell off.
6. Going through the reasons I could leave this meeting and deciding if any are legitimate. They fucking weren’t, damn it.
7. Sex fantasies…of course. The participant names have been withheld to protect…ummm…everyone. :)
8. Visualizing my acceptance speech at the Grammy’s. I was a hit, by the way.
9. Writing today’s blog….a new addition to my efforts and this little diatribe will serve as today's entry.
10. Wondering, if I had not avoided that accident yesterday, who would attend my funeral.
Still 50 minutes to go. Fucking hell. At least I get to leave at noon today. Hallelujah! (It felt like the right exclamation, given the season.)
I was able to get to an online map whilst sitting here….I’ve been in 38 states….that includes being in an airport or driving through the state. And I killed another 22 minutes. Yee-ha. Here they are…
Been to:
ME, MA, NH, VT, NY, CT, NJ, DE, PA, MD, VA, WV, NC, SC, FL, AL, LA, IA, MN, MO, OH, MI, KY, KS, TX, SD, UT, CO, CA, WA, OR, ID, NV, NE, TN, GA, MT, WY
Not been to: HI, AK, ND, MS, WI, RI, IL, IN, AZ, NM, AR, OK
Oh What Fun It Is To Ride....
I’m busting on my own kind today….
While I do drive an SUV (a teeny-teeny, tiny-tiny Grand Cherokee), love it and will probably always drive one, I have to laugh at the monster SUV rallies (Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!) that I see in the parking lots each day. Especially at this time of the year. I love watching the soccer/holiday Moms maneuver into a spot with their Cadillac Escalade, GMC Yukon Jack-me-ups, Ford Excursion to Everests, Chevy Suburban Housing Development and Lincoln Aviator 747s.
It’s quite funny. They totally blow the first turn into the spot and almost crush the Saturn next to them. Then they back up – but not far enough – and try again. Now they’ve got the nose in and sorta, kinda get an idea of the angle and runway space they’ll really need. Back it up again (beep, beep, beep). Whoops! Turned the wheel the wrong way and ended up running over a small child. Now they’ve got it! Oh! Nope. Too close to the little MDX beside them and won’t be able to open the 11 foot wingspan door. Straight back this time…not realizing they pushed that Mini Cooper under the Hummer in the adjacent spot. NOW we’ve got it. That only took 10 minutes and 5 gallons of gas.
Andrew Sullivan would finally be proud of me.
The Hills Are Alive...
I was watching the “Sound of Music” over the weekend with a friend. She started to tell me something, not related to the movie, and I asked her if she could please break into song with the information she had to share. Then I started thinking – what would it be like to deal with real life issues in a world where everything is a song? Can you imagine Julie Andrews belting out a tune like “Do-Re-Mi” to help little Marta understand about getting her first period?
Flo or DotOr special friend
Or a visitor you get
These are names
We use each month
Though we’d rather just forget
Rag, a maxi pad with wings
Cramps, a reason not to work
Plug, a tampon with a string
And it’s all because of Flo-oh-oh-oh....
Everybody…!!!
What about the Captain, his guitar at the ready, explaining to Curt the mysteries of hard-ons and wet dreams, “Edelweiss” gently providing the soundtrack…
When you sleep
You will dream
All about women or men
And those dreams
Could produce
A little puddle of semen
Don’t be embarrassed, it’s quite alright
Quite alright for you
You will need
Just one thing
A handy carton of tissues
What a wonderful world in which to live…ahhhh.
Blah blah blah...
Despite being sick, I actually got my Christmas (oh, wait, do I have to say HOLIDAY?) shopping done yesterday. I still have some stocking stuffer kind of things to pick up and cards, but the big stuff is all done. Yay!! This looks to be a great weekend. Tonight is a get together at a colleague's house. Tomorrow morning I'll go to the Hallmark store - because I DO care enough to send the very best - and get the cards I need. I'm going to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra in the afternoon at the Wachovia Center, which will probably be followed by dinner somewhere. And on Sunday I'm hoping to wrap gifts while watching Christmas specials that I have on DVD and VHS. Then there's all the usual weekend crap in there - laundry, straightening the house, etc. I'm hoping to get the kitchen put mostly back together now that the floor is done. We're even supposed to have decent temperatures...in the 40s. With any luck, the pipes for the outside water spigots will thaw and I can drain them and shut them down like I should have done a month ago but forgot to do.***Randal won The Apprentice last night. I'll be honest, I've never been more on the fence with two candidates and I've watched every season - though this one only sporadically. While Randal had the better business experience and education, he almost seemed overqualified to be an apprentice to someone. He already runs 5 companies. Rebecca was clearly a strong candidate and would have been a great asset to the organization. She's someone who could be molded and better fits the title of a true apprentice. When Trump hired Randal, he later asked him if he should hire Rebecca, too. Randal said no! I was stunned. It was a selfish, classless and ungracious move on Randal's part and I lost respect for him right then and there. At that point, I wished he hadn't won. It is what it is and I look forward to the next season. This season was a little dissappointing, to be honest....such a group of bumbling buffoons.
Sick Day
Dear Blog, Please excuse Cindy today. She is sick. She feels like shit and looks like death warmed over. Signed, Epstein's Mother
MISSter Anderson...
My friend asked if I wanted to join her for some Christmas shopping this weekend. I’m not far from the mall but refuse to go near that place on a weekend during the holidays….the drivers alone can send me into a rage….so I told her to stop by afterwards instead. While she was over, “The Matrix” happened to come on the boob tube. As she showed me her newly purchased bounty, we were watching the movie at the same time. She had never seen it…it took me a while to understand how this was possible but I got past it. As best I could, throughout the movie, I’m explaining the premise of it and the characters to her. She got it for the most part but I don’t think I do the best job explaining it. I understand it to watch and know what is going on but find I have trouble explaining it well. Near the end of the movie, during the big showdown between Neo and the Agents, the following transpired…
Her: Who are those guys again? (referring to the agents)
C: Bad guys. They are Agents.
H: Are they also computer programs?
C: Not really. They also know the truth.
H: And what’s that again?
C: That life as we know it is really a software program. None of this is real.
H: Right. So they aren’t part of that?
C: Well, they know the truth, too.
H: Oh.
I’m not quite sure I made it any clearer at this point…
C: See, there are two camps. There’s the good guy camp with Neo, Morpheus and Trinity and they know the truth and want everyone else to know the truth. They want to unplug everyone.
H: *nods*
C: Then there’s the bad guy camp. The Agents. They also know the truth but they want to keep it from everyone and keep us all plugged in.
H: With the thing in the back of the head?
C: Right.
H: Okay.
C: It’s a war between those who know the truth and want to expose it and those who want to keep it hidden.
H: Okay. *still looks a little confused*
C: What?
H: Well, who or what is Neomorpheus?
C: Two different people. Neo. And Morpheus.
H: Who’s Neo?
C: Keanu Reeves.
H: You mean Neil?
C: *blinks* Who’s Neil?
H: Isn’t that his name?
C: No, it’s NEO.
H: *laughing* I thought his name was Neil.
C: Oh my God.
Neo. The One.
Or Neil. The Line? The Nile? The Lien?
Ctrl+Alt+Delete
Reboot and send.
We Don't Need Another Hero
I can’t decide what to write about today. I don’t have writer’s block…crap, I have blogblock. A….my name is Allison warned me that I would start prefixing everything with the word ‘blog’. And now it’s begun. Criminy.
The two topics that are blogbouncing (that’s 2 now) around my head like tiny little pinballs are in regard to driving and orthodontics….unrelated, of course. Rather then choose, I’ll briefly summarize both. Anyone who has ever read this blog knows that I am anything but brief. I should have called my blog “Hot Air".
I like to talk to the other drivers on the blogroad (3). And most people are thinking, “yeah I do that, too”. My guess is you don’t. Not the way I do. I am downright mean to them. Everyone is a “fucking asshole”, “fucking idiot”, “nitwit” or “silly bitch”. I don’t know when I became a Road Rage Driver. I never used to be. In fact, when T would get upset with people on the road, I was usually sitting there quiet and calm, rolling my eyes a little and asking, “WHAT is your blogproblem (4)?” Now I feel like Mad Max(ine).
I was in the car with my friend D once and she called me “the angriest driver ever”. I don’t know if this is a result of getting older, other drivers being so inferior to me or because I stopped exercising for a while. I was never angry during the years that I lifted. All I know is that it has to blogstop (5). I’m going to give myself a heart attack one of these days. The most ironic thing about it is that I don’t even think I’m a great driver. I’m not a really bad driver….but I have never said to anyone, “Hey, I’m a good driver, I know what I’m doing!”.
My former brother-in-law had a little plate in his truck that read: Get in. Sit Down. Shut Up. Hang On.
I might need one of those.
That leaves me with the other topic of braces. There’s really not much to say there. I have to get blogbraces (6). Again. I had them when I was in my teens. At some point, I must have become too cool for my retainer and stopped wearing it. I never even had a bottom retainer. So, my bottom teeth in the front have all moved and one defiant tooth on the top is all f’ed up. Most people who look at my smile don’t even see what I am talking about. But I know. And I can’t stand it. So, come January 3rd….fucking braces.
The silver bloglining (7) in all this is that I’m getting ceramic braces and you really don’t notice them that much. A guy here at work has them and I didn’t know it. Also, no headgear!!! Woohoo!!!! God, I hated my headgear. I’d wake up with the one end boring a hole on the outside of my cheek. What sick bastard invented that thing? I’m lucky I never lost an eye in the middle of the night. I will have rubber bands, though.
My mother likes to tell me how she is STILL finding rubber bands around the house….as though I strategically placed them throughout the house so that she’d be finding them for the next 50 years. It’s sort of like a demented, long, drawn out Easter egg hunt...but with rubber blogbands (8). And she likes to tell other people, too. We’ll be out somewhere and run into someone with their teenager who just got braces and she’ll glance at me and say to the person, “Do you know I am STILL finding rubber bands in the house?” And then another accusing glance at me. I always want to blurt out to the other person, “It’s because she never cleans!!” But that’s not true and I’d probably get slapped, so I stand there and look guilty.
Just when I thought I had finally broke free of geekdom….it sucks me back in.
Bloggity blog blogger blog. (9, 10, 11 and 12)
Snow?
According to weather.com, it is snowing RIGHT NOW. See the picture. My office is right off 76, between West Chester and Pottstown.
There is no snow falling outside my office window. Not one flake.
Rock On Baby J!!!
Growing up, we had a nativity scene that I just love. It was my favorite thing to set up each year at Christmas, even more so then decorating the tree itself. About a year ago, I told my Mom that should she decide to get rid of it, I'd like to have it. I felt I had to get my name on it since she gave away the advent calendar to my brother, with nary a word to my sister or me. Her reason - "Bob was always the one to take care of changing it each day." Huh? Well, yeah, considering that Bob was the youngest and lived at home the longest, I guess that would seem to be the case. My sister and I were a bit peeved about it. Nonetheless, it compelled me to stake claim to the nativity scene, lest she give it away as well. And since my sister and brother are both agnostic or atheist (I forget which one they are), it seems to make sense to give it the one child who still attends church - and not because I'm forced to - as an adult, albeit rarely.
My mother, however, is not ready to part with the nativity scene. But she knows how much I like it and sent me an email a few weeks ago about a very similar set she found on ebay. I have to admit, it was pretty close, but it doesn't beat the one from my childhood. I ended up getting it. It's okay. I still want the other one someday.
As I was unwrapping it over the weekend, I came upon the Baby Jesus in his porta-crib. At first, I didn't study him in great detail. When I picked him up again, I gave a closer look and noticed that (I'm guessing) the kids of the previous owner had a little fun and broke off the son of God's two middle fingers. I guess that's what happens when you give birth in a manger and don't clean up the mess afterwards. (I wonder if that's REALLY how Mad Cow disease started…some cow ate the blessed placenta.)
I think this makes Jesus the first hardcore rock fan. I wonder if the first album he bought was "Stompin' at the Crucifix" by Pontius Pilot and the Nasty Nail Drivers (to borrow from the late, great Sam Kinison). Oh, I'm going to hell for sure.
Here is a picture of the little tyke. It's his left hand. 
And a close up. They aren't the greatest pictures...I did my best.
And the emoticon.... \m/Rock on.
And the Circle Goes 'Round...
I have the biggest crush on blogging. I hope, in time, when I become more mature and a grown-up blogger, that I will actually be in love with it. I know that it’s stupid little things that get my blood flowing over this but they get it flowing all the same. Just this week, I’ve experienced the following:
- via Wil Wheaton dot Net (WWdN), I discover Annie Sertich’s blog. Now, some may laugh at the Wil Wheaton thing but those folks probably don’t know he has one of THE most popular blogs out there…seriously. And while Annie has flat out abused him this week – and it’s been funny as hell – I am a religious reader of his. The link above is to the place he calls WWdN in Exile. You'll have to read his blog to find out what that's all about.
- back to Annie’s blog, Jesus’ Favorite. Hysterical. If she stops blogging, I’ll be very disappointed for a while. And getting mentioned in her blog was still way cool for a big video gaming, X-File watching, Star Trek loving, Barry Manilow worshipping, RSS using band geek like me.
- via Annie’s blog, I discovered her sister’s blog, The Croation Sensation. She has admittedly been sporadic in her posting but I get the distinct feeling that she’ll be writing more now that she has a nemesis in her sister’s blog. Kudos, Steffie…and thanks for writing back.
- while trying to discover the address for Steffie’s blog, I heard from Madie – also searching for the address. I love hearing from people I don’t know. Madie’s site looks very interesting to me and I’m looking for enough free time to cruise around it and see what’s there. So that’s cool.
- through the The Croation Sensation, I find what seems to be her best friend’s blog,a...my name is Allison. I like it a lot so far, though I’ve only read several posts to date.
- and on Allison’s blog, she mentions an idea that she stole from Heather and Heather stole from Citizen of the Month (don’t know what that is yet). And that would be this….
Thank you, Nan, for being my first commenter…and still my most frequent one. I don’t know if I ever would have gotten into this if I had not discovered the blog of someone I know and trust to be an intelligent person. I owe my blogging efforts to you.
- to top it all off, commenting on Annie’s blog and not being told to shut up made me realize how friendly the blog world is. I’ve even commented on Wheaton’s site now.
- and last, but certainly not least, McG has introduced some of us to www.myspace.com and we’re now lurking around there, too. It’s different and can be a lot of fun. It gives me ideas for www.cherryindigo.com which has gone no where fast but should get moving by year end.
A postscript to all of this is that I played poker downtown this week and had a great time. I am typically very bad at new social situations…and this one had the added pressure of knowing the rules of a game! Egads! But it was breeze and I loved it. I learned a lot - especially last night - and came in 11th? (out of about 40) on my first night and 4th (out of 12, I think) on my second night....there's something to this beginner's luck.
Great week….and the makings of a great weekend coming up.
3 Quick Follow-ups
1. Somehow, the ability to leave anonymous comments was turned off. I shouldn't say 'somehow' because I did it. But I didn't mean to. And I just happened to notice. It's been restored to its proper status.2. The address for Steffie's blog is http://stefsertich.blogspot.com/2005/06/his-for-honesty.html ; the Croation Sensation. I like it so far.3. It seems that the crime scene photograph was not clear....Grissom would be so dissapointed in me. I've rectified that below. You'll have to click on the pic to actually read everything.
