Annie and Stef
Like a lot of others in this online community, I don’t know Annie and Steffie Sertich…to one another, we’ve only been sarcastic quips that cross a laptop screen. I sat here in my living room, early this morning – way earlier then usual - laboring over a decision to change jobs, barely aware of the heat cutting on and off, hearing a far off beep every 30 seconds that tells me there is a message on my answering machine and pausing for just a moment to acknowledge the click-click-click of the cat’s nails on the hardwood floor as he slipped into the kitchen for some food.I was fighting pseudo-insomnia by surfing around MySpace, tinkering with different song choices for my profile and finally landing on Santana’s “I’m Feeling You”. My fingers flying over the keyboard, the mouse zigzagging across the screen...the perfect early morning for a techno weenie. A vague thought kept rolling around my head, repeating a question..."WHY did I want to get braces again? This sucks and my mouth hurts."
As you can tell, this is really important stuff.
I fired up my Jet Brains Omea Reader – my RSS feed – to check on new blog postings. Those daily entries that come from people I’ve never met but feel like I know a little more every day. That text-filled world that becomes a little bigger while making the real world a little smaller as you make a connection from this person to that person and then to another.
Skim the list of names that appear on my screen…Andrew Sullivan (too serious to tackle at this time of the day); Glenn Reynolds (too whatever most times of the day, why do I even keep up with that one?); Dave Barry (too many clicks to actually get to the story and I need to think about getting ready for work soon)….ah, Annie. Jesus’ Favorite. Discovered only because I’m a big geek who found Wil Wheaton’s blog so many months ago. This one is worth reading before I go get some toast and water, take a shower and get involved in the daily challenge of what to wear. She’s always a good read and usually a riot. Her sister is, too. And so is her sister’s friend, Allison. I love that I found the three of them.
I put my feet up and start to read….
Everything stops.
I don’t know if the heat is running.
The beep from the answering machine is so far away I can’t hear it now.
For the next 10 minutes, all I can do is read.
One line after another….each one sadder then the last; each one letting me further into the world of this stranger.
Her Mom is dying from cancer...on that day, in that moment.
It’s agonizing to feel her pain. It’s also a beautiful tribute….to her Mom, her family’s spirit, her Dad and brother and sister, her youth and her memories. I can’t help but feel for this family…to say a little prayer for them. My heart fills up and I just want to find the right words to comment with….ones that no one else has said….and it’s impossible.
What starts out as a comment for Annie’s site, turns into what you're reading right now. She mentioned at the beginning of her entry that she would probably delete it later. I sit here thinking that I’ll never post this. I hope she doesn’t delete it. And I will post.
I look at the picture of her Mom.
There's the red hair she wrote of. And the unmistakable spirit in her eyes.
I’ve never seen this woman before in my life, but between the picture and Annie’s words, I feel like I know just how magnificent she was. If you look at her long enough, you can hear how beautiful her laugh was. You can imagine her scolding the two of them while trying to surpress a smile. You can feel her looking thoughtfully at you while she listens to you pour your heart out.
How wonderful it must have been to have had this person in their lives.
Annie and Stef, my warmest and most sincere condolences on your family’s loss.
Fucking cancer.
posted by Cherry Indigo (Cindy) @ 1/04/2006 05:54:00 AM
1 Comments:
Cindy, this was beautiful. I wish there was more we could do to help, but from afar, our support will have to suffice.
I love that you've found us, too. And we, in turn, found you.
Post a Comment
<< Home