Your Nearest Emergency Exit May Be Behind You
Blog 2 of 2 for Monday evening...
My job requires me to travel quite a bit. Not as much as it used to but still quite a bit. I try to be a very patient traveler because I know there are a lot of people out there who don’t travel a lot or get very nervous when they do have to travel. I understand this. I’m a compassionate person. However, there are some simple courtesies that should not be tethered to how often or how comfortable one might be with traveling. Those who do not realize and/or exercise a respectable level of common sense when traveling frustrate me to no end. I am convinced that the I.Q. of airline passengers drops by at least 20 points once they have boarded the plane.If you would tolerate a few examples, I will illustrate the type of travelers who especially try my patience.
1. Those high flying pseudo-techies who send a text message during boarding that reads “I’m on the plane.” Then, 3 minutes later, call the same person and ask “Did you get my text message? Yeah, I’m on the plane. I’ll call you when I land.” (I actually witnessed this by spying through the crack in the seats ahead of me.) These, of course, are the same folks who turn on their cell phones the moment the wheels touch the ground and call someone to say “Hey. Yeah. We just landed.” If you have to call someone the moment you land, the only words that should come out of your mouth are “How did the operation go?” or “Is it a boy or a girl?” Everything else is unreasonable and can wait another 5 minutes until you are actually in the gangway. If you are so needed at home that you have to report your every movement, just stay at home. It will give me more room for my luggage.
2. The people who take off their shoes for a 1 hour flight – in the evening. 1 hour! Want to take off your shoes for an 8 hour overseas flight? Fine, I do it, too. I’ll even concede a 6 hour flight if it’s early enough in the day. But 1 hour?! And they were loafers! How uncomfortable can they be? If your shoes do happen to be that uncomfortable, just slip your heels out for some relief and preserve the recycled air for the rest of us. And under no circumstances should you cross your ankle over your knee without shoes on! No, no, no!
The only redeeming point about the whole episode was watching this guy trying to shove his altitude swelled feet back into his shoes when we landed. You really need to start that exercise at least 10 minutes before touchdown…usually at the point where you put your tray table up. The flight attendants should just make that part of the announcement. “In preparation for landing, please return your seatbacks and tray tables to their upright and locked positions….and start working your feet back into your shoes.”
3. Anyone who takes more than 1 minute to sit down while boarding. These are the same yammer heads who can’t waste 2 ½ minutes of their lives to listen to the safety instructions. Instead, they insist on talking to their seat mate the entire time about how long it’s been since they’ve been on a plane. They will, invariably, be the people who screw things up in the event of an emergency landing. I want to use my seat-slash-floatation device to pound them over the head.
4. People who don’t know how to use their arms to support their own body weight when they sit down and feel the need to hang on the back of my seat, causing me severe whiplash when they let go. I’ve noticed that they closely resemble the people who can’t walk down the aisle without clinging to every seat they pass. You need to use the seats as a guide? I absolutely understand. The key words here are “as a GUIDE”. The seats are not your personal hand rail on which to hang and swing…some people might be sleeping. Use care in this task. And when you do throw some weary traveler halfway to the front of the plane, apologize for cryin’ out loud.
5. The couch potatoes who slam their seat all the way into the recline position the moment the wheels leave the tarmac. This is not your home and your seat is not a La-Z-Boy. I find it very difficult to work on my laptop when my keyboard is buried in my spleen, thankyouverymuch. Besides, I noticed when you loped onto the plane that you slouch, so you really should just sit up straight. (BTW – while discussing this point with friends, they pointed out that it is mostly men who do this. I must say that I concur.)
6. The folks who cough, sneeze or yawn and can’t be bothered to lift hand to mouth. I suspect that these might be the same people who don’t know how to use their arms. It would make sense.
7. The truancy club members who board late with one bag and insist on jamming it into an overhead compartment that is clearly full…taking up even more time. (And I know it’s not always their fault, I sincerely empathize with the ones running from plane to plane and this is not directed at them.) I realize that the Luggage Jammers (is that a rap group?) are trying to save the room under their seat for their empty shoes. They are only elevated in status by my contempt for the ones who take up two overhead luggage spots with their full size, packed to the hilt, wheely luggage. This is why the plane has an underbelly…use it. If you don’t want to trust your luggage in the underbelly, maybe YOU should just sit down there. If it’s good enough for dogs, it’s good enough for you.
8. The chatterboxes who must talk to me so they can tell me how interesting they are…not because they want to find out how interesting I might be. Yes, it makes me vain but it makes them rude. I’d rather be vain.
9. And, lest we forget, the smelly people.
I love, however, people who do know how to travel. They know the rules. They are not the people described above. They do not require water wings in the gene pool.
The plane should not be separated into first class and coach. It should be separated into “travelers who do know what they’re doing” and “travelers who don’t know what they’re doing”. The second group should have to sit in the back and board from the rear. (Why don’t we use the rear door to board?)
This just might have been how first class started. There were two distinct groups – travelers who do and don’t know what they’re doing - but the second group outnumbered the first group and made it complicated. And, of course, when something is complicated, society rules that we must apply fees in order to sort it out. Hence you now must pay more to prove your travel capabilities and escape the torture called coach.
Flight Attendants, arm doors for departure and cross-check.
posted by Cherry Indigo (Cindy) @ 8/22/2005 11:29:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home